Messages from media and broader society about suicide. He was determined. Hi Im Ella Im 14. Deborah Smith July 8, 2016 at 9:07 am Reply. We couldnt see his pictures,walking in his room for 8 months and still cannot touch his staff,make will wait till we can. The pain will be their , the love will be their but to take this laying down will not change things . My heart goes out to you. But in my drunken state I chuckled, he knew I was a lesbian. I think he would be proud that I will always remember his best qualities, attributes, and achievements. My mum took her life a week ago from alcohol and overdose. I had said that even though me and him fought a lot, I still loved him unconditionally and that we will eventually come to see eye to eye. Can be found on my website only. She had me and my other 3 sisters!! Technology is good of course, but I think some young people and adults overuse it as a way to feel connected when in fact they are notwe NEED real connections with real people. I just had the worst story and tragedy in my life I live in Toronto for 7 years, got married 5 years ago with my dream girl and have 2 beautiful girls our life was an example to every one with just working as workers and a very little income but more enough to cover our expenses.. We were separated because of a court no contact order that I never wanted but was supposed to be for my benefit when it happened. Which was strange because we rarely fought He was so talented in so many ways. He said Matt ( my dad, his stepdad) shot himself. I was just stuck. Thank you for sharing your story and these important words of encouragement/empowerment. So much more I cannot fit here now. Hi Aaron. Last year, as a senior in high-school, someone I looked at as a little sister wasnt able to beat out her cancer. Hes in surgery now. I had to hand the phone to my boyfriend. Screaming, shaking. He was my supervisor for only about three months before I got out of the military so I dont know why it hurts this much. I had no idea he would do this. His childhood was mostly normal and happy. The sheriff knocked on my door at 1130pm that day to notify me and that was how I found out. Most know how doctors are. Thank you. How long will I feel this way? Her first husband had died 1.5 years before we met, and they had a young son. Sometimes im ok but even then there is a dark shadow glooming over me. I understand the guilt, regret ALL OF IT. I thought I would never get my life back. Richard, I am so very sorry for your loss. However, just a few days ago, my friend texts me again to say that she did go to the viewing and met TJs parents and they told her that he had hung himself. It was almost Christmas. If that wasnt traumatizing enough, I was never informed of his death nor told about his funeral. My Brother decided to end his life 8 years ago. She was 25 and a single mom with a 1 year old daughter. I lied and said that I didnt love him anymore. But his despair was strong as was his wish to die. That tiny part of you thats still alive. She was later confirmed dead. They market it like a cure to your illness if you can live through the side effects. Right there with you. Tina Lennon January 6, 2019 at 10:54 am Reply. I am asked am I over it ? My brother shot himself 13 months ago. Ive become recluse as of late. He tried to send me a message on fb. Your friends dont get it. I wish I could of been what my wife desires. We did not know how depressed our son was, or of his fears, which we are piecing together only now. My baby was shattered and I didnt realize how much he was suffering. I hope to enrich my childrens lives for as long as I can, and be the big sister that would have made my brother proud. I realized that my oldest son chose to die too. It was year 2015 when my father committed suicide. Around 12 things became more difficult. So like you my pain is real but please be strong and keep moving forward . If the thoughts continue, seek help and support. He started doing party drugs. Unfortunately, I cannot communicate with you over the phone and cannot provide therapy/advice. I grew more and more concerned and the weekend before he died, I told him that he needed to stop what he was doing, go back on his medication and start coming to church with me. It was the biggest mistake I made. My great lawyer Michael J Bidart sued Blue Cross of CA, Cedar Vista Hospital and their Yale educated contract Psychiatrist We won a 4.5 million settlement and I built the Sean McDonald school in Cambodia. Please get help!!!!!! He overdosed in October 2015 ( I did not know this until he had died in January) and it scared him enough to get into rehab, but he used again in January knowing full well that he could die. I immediately lost it screaming, crying. Maybe your relationship with your dad is strained, but that doesnt mean your feelings toward him are lacking relationships are always complicated, and its okay to be angry or spiteful toward him; its okay to still be upset that he is sick while still being angry and distant; its okay to not be all too bummed out about it, too. Although it may not seem like it, what you are feeling is totally normal and ok. All the best to you and your son. my husband and best friend of 30 years ended his life august 2016. there was no autopsy so i will never know for certain what was going on inside his brain & body. Like many he enjoyed playing computer games and found companionship with online-friends around the world. The fog has lifted. And to anyone either grieving a loss or contemplating the worse, as cliche as it my sound it truly can get better, become a survivor of your past! This refers to something that you are running away from are not accepting but will help you in some way. Though we have absolutely no way to know what was going on with him at the time, often if something is causing someone distress that person engages with it in some way calls, texts, other engagement. From the moment I saw her, I was stunned.. there was that something about her feeling over took me, And we got on surprisingly well.. Like we was meant to meet? Not only did my daughter learn she had lost a friend, I then had to tell her how he lost his life because I did not want her hearing it from someone else. Bruce Caister January 3, 2021 at 9:55 pm Reply. I miss him sooo much. I think it was caused by a sudden change in medication without proper medical supervision or care. texting me a message that asking from me to take care of his wife and his son (my sister and my nephew) he had a really bad conversation with his wife (my sister) she said that she will divorce him and this was the last time him to be better person to them (to my sister and my nephew) is this the real factor that make him to jump and decide to finish his life at the age of 46 years old?? All my mom has left is me and shes scared to death something is going to happen to me. Our business has been struggling through Covid, and it will fall apart if I take time off, especially now that Ive taken on her role in addition to my own. Its just getting worse and Im just getting tired of trying. It is suffocating, but survival comes one step at a time. Having suicidal thoughts is common. My sister was a wonderfully warm, funny, loyal and creative person who did not deserve the life cards she was dealt. His parents split. I know how much pain he was in and that he did his best and just had to find relief. he was only seventeen and it hurts it hurts so bad he was basically my older brother and i miss him so much it hurts and then another friend of mine went to prison not long after and it sucks i know i still have friends and all but sometimes all i can think of is when i found out my friend killed himself like i had just gotten a math test and a friend had messaged me and everyone else in the friend group that he was in the hospital and we didnt know if he was dead and all i remember is thinking that he cant be dead no way he always bounces back. Its overwhelming, most think of anyway to feel relief. His habit went from drinking to smoking pot and pills. Feel free to e-mail me. I had two brain surgeries and my dear wife never left my side but then the right frontal Stupid lame ass me in my head pushed her away. I did what I could to care for my nephew without upsetting Cassie. Family have forgotten him, never say his name. Hi there. A place to get personal things off your chest. But, its a tar pit trap. But I feel like he was a great love for me, and I avoided life. It was a reflection of himself and the things he never got to do. Dont worry about tomorrow or even later today or what you could have done in the past. CourtKnee July 27, 2021 at 3:14 am Reply, I can relate. I love you Forever my Guardian angel My own mental health and the safety of my children was also a priority. My son passed by suicide . My younger brothers son is three. But she doesnt know what Ive found out. Considering the stuff you mentioned about him. What couldve driven him to such an act must have been so overpowering that even his life didnt matter, his family and children didnt matter and I didnt matter. My life partner of 11 years shot himself in the early hours on 30 June. On the 13th of this month(December), he sent me a text saying I hype to have a good day. His father, sister, brother, and me are hurting so deeply. Is that a real book? Regards. Spending time with her wasnt the same it was almost like her eyes were glassed over and her physical body was present but her mind was elsewhere. Yes, its like people are afraid that they will catch something if you share the dastardly news. She took her life three weeks later. I feel like Im not able to grieve properly. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelingsand that all your feelings are normal. I am so incredibly sorry to learn about your fathers death. She was an alcoholic and had a long history of childhood pain she never dealt with. He took care of his troops. Sending much love I have the same questions as you just dont understand why. Thank you again for this website and this article! He could show unnecessary meanness towards his younger brother and sister. It's roughfor real. I have wanted to die so many times I planned to get fentynol to help me. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. i love him so much. I cry daily of course hiding it from my family. sad we always have a hard relationship couldnt understand why we had to argue so much for almost all things. The truth is I feel extremely guilty and at fault for inadvertently influencing my fathers demise. the pain is unbearable. He would do anything for us. We are human. and the Dallas Cowboys QB says he's still having a hard time coping with it all. On April 5th, 2019 around 6:30 am I woke up to 2 missed calls from my brother earlier that day around 12:30 am. I said the most hurtful thing to him. I know she had been struggling with anxiety and depression for the past 2 years and I always did everything I could to help her cope with her mental health issues. He attempted to hang himself in our garage when I found him. May be sending you a message in the days to come. But Im sure as being not just your brother but also best friend he knows how much you loved him and is smiling at you because now his pains have disappeared and hes all healthy now and at peace. There are resources on campus that can help you." If you continue to be concerned about your friend in distress, contact the UT Behavior Concerns and COVID-19 Advice Line at 512-232-5050, which is accessible 24/7/365 and staffed by trained professionals. My heart goes out to them. I hope he is up there looking over his family and friends and that he rests easy and flies high! Daddys dead? she asked with panic in her voice and tears beginning to form in her eyes. A few days went by and she had asked us and we told her that it was fine but that we wanted to meet him first. Just me and the bearded dragon left behind in the kids room next door and the stray cat on the lawn that my neighbor used to feed. Im grieving for him because I did love him, do love him, but Im also grieving for my truly unlived life the last decade, holding on to something I knew wasnt what I deserved or even wanted. She had been struggling with addiction and anger issues for several years. I just hope that all the people who loved him will be okay. It has been almost 2 years since my younger brothers suicide. A means no. I feel that my love was inadequate. Stay stron, stay safe. I have isolated myself, some days getting out of bed is impossible. They dated back to before we met, and she had been hospitalized for her depression a few times before. I find myself wanting, in some way to forget he was part of my life. As at the time I was self-harming as well, I had understood what was going on with her. I was bawling like a baby. I wish Id been a better son. She ended her life a few weeks later. Nothing could have been further from the actual truth. I just feel that I am not doing fine but I would like that no one suffers. Seeing the aftermath of it all was unbearable. I started threatening to turn him in for something he had done a few years ago in order to get him to try to work this out. After some questioning which kind of turned into arguing. Ramona, thank you for taking the time to comment and to share your story/perspective. This is so normal I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ Im glad you can take a step back and recognize that his death was not your fault. Its been 6 years since my then 26 year old brother hung himself. We shared it with each other about 100 times a day. I pray for all of us who are experiencing this nightmare. Why ask if you are OK when in truth people dont care and are cautious to stay unaffected. Life should just stop for a bit, it shouldnt have to go on as if all is well. The loss is so great it hurts so bad. Robert Rue August 31, 2019 at 2:35 am Reply. Just wanted to share. My name is Chris Coleman. I feel so guilty and ashamed and sad. I know my brother has similar feelings of guilt, and he will probably never get over those feelings. after that an officer pulled me to the side and asked a bunch of questions. You are in pain too. The pain isnt as strong. He left no note. I came on this site looking for some sort of comfort. My husband of 22-years took his life in May 2019. I wasnt able to attend her funeral, for a variety of reasons. If his car was left on the bridge and he walked/ran and jumped, the cops would have found his vehicle, and there are no presumed jumpers right now either.. Bev mcclure March 16, 2019 at 5:38 pm Reply, My son my love took his life a week ago and I cant find a lot on no reason why we didnt have any clues he had no mental illness he showed no signs so I understand what youre saying there isnt a lot about that on the web I feel your pain, mary barre December 20, 2018 at 1:06 pm Reply. I miss him so much and just want to see him again. About five weeks ago, our son hung himself. Reading through these posts, I can only feel sympathy for those who have lost children to suicide, and shame for wallowing over my fathers suicide. May 1, 2021 8:16am. He said I dont want to talk about it. I read somewhere that children of parents who commit suicide are 50/50 in following in their footsteps. Hi Sue, I dont know if you ever listen to the radio show This American Life but if you do (or if your want to check it out) there is an episode called Birds and Bees and the last third of the show is about helping kids who lost someone to suicide learn how to talk about it open and honestly. Im looking for help too. I was stunned. I am going to also contact a spiritual church and see if I can get some closure. They were supposed to be dead. Sure yeah, I looked great but felt lousy. When I flew to the state he lives she for a living sells guns and knew he was severely struggling and never told us. My precious daughter took her life on July 7th 2019. Like watch our kids grow up and eventually teach them about relationships and what makes a man a man. For me there is such a difference in grieving between a death from a physical cause and a suicide. I guess time has helped a little. I never even knew he was sick. Her husband, family, friends were always on the phone with doctors, therapist, crisis centers and every time they took a step, they would just let her go. Sure was funny as hell to see the look of suprised bewilderment on his face. It was 11 p.m. so i was confused. And let me add that the girl he had a crush on was the most special of all of them. Outside of the group, TJ and I had beers about a half a dozen times and so did some of the others in the group get together with him on their own. My ex-husband, and the father of our 8yo daughter died by suicide on Fri 11/30/18. 9/9/2020 12:26 PM PT. I want to be the man I once was but it just seems like the only way is to step up for them, but always be miserable and always lose to her. While making eggs I felt the Lord tell me to drop to my knees and pray for my . Feeling unable to acknowledge the truth, those grieving the loss may feel like they have to lie or live in silence. Either way, it hurts me deeply to see all of these comments and stories, I wish it was not possible for people to kill themselves. He and I met many years ago, and we felt so intrigued-we recognized each other and wanted very much to date, but I was very scared and pulled away. Sometimes I wonder why he didnt want to take me with him. I want my brother back too and felt shocked and hurt that he would leave me here alone. He had just turned 20 ten days before. I detected no problems whatsoever. My older brother was found dead only a few weeks ago. And I also did not want to burden anyone else again about my feelings and be done with this. I tried to catch him but he was much faster than me and i wasn't in a good state as it was. She had been with me for 12 years, but killed herself, mostly because of my rejection. Erin could not live without her daughter. I was married for 25 years to a man that cheated on me.